Shouldn’t I have it all figured out by now?

There are so many different types of people in the world but I am going to focus on the two different types that are standing out in my thoughts the most lately. The first being those of whom have their sh*t sorted out and know exactly what they want in life and their career and secondly those of who have no idea what they want to do, how to do it and when their going to do it.

I am the latter. I very much so have no idea what I’m doing.

This bothers me more then I care to admit most times, because I feel like I’m way to old to still be questioning my life or what I want from it. Now I know some of you are rolling your eyes at this comment, because in actual fact it’s not like I’m over the hill quite yet or anything. I am for all intents and purposes still young.

I think what my problem here is, I thought while I was in high school that I would complete the classes and courses necessary to get me somewhere in life. Only I didn’t know where that ‘somewhere’ was. Being in high school I just shrugged it off and assumed I would figure it all out in the coming years. That it would magically fall into place.

Yeah, well, it didn’t and it still hasn’t.

I always knew I wanted to be a mum,  and if I’m honest; I always had a much stronger sense of myself when I thought of a family life over the career life. Not to say you can’t have both. But career aspirations just never came to me like the dream of having children and getting to stay home with them while watching them grow and making memories with them.

Turns out, feeling that way actually makes everyone else think they have the right to cast judgement on you and tell you over and over that you have no aspirations, or look down on you for not wanting ‘more’ for yourself.

Of course how other people see you is not important, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it bothers me. Let’s take in to account that living in Sydney (or anywhere for that matter) is ridiculously expensive while raising a family; so staying home with the kids isn’t always a possibility.

So in comes the thoughts of “Okay not a problem, I am on maternity leave I will study while I’m home to better myself and get in to my passion”. I know what you’re thinking, “If shes on maternity leave why can’t she just go back to work?” See the problem there is that my current occupation is in childcare; and if anyone knows how expensive childcare is then they know the likelihood of it being worthwhile to return to that field while paying for both of my girls to attend childcare themselves. I’d be missing out on more than I’m gaining.

The thing that shakes me up the most about the whole “What am I doing with my life?” scenario is that if you were to ask me “If you could do anything what would you do, what career or direction would you choose?” I could not answer you with a definitive answer.

And that is just an all consuming problem for me, not having any direction is as scary as it sounds. I genuinely envy those of you who have worked hard or even stumbled across their passion. Because while you have figured out some of life’s ongoing questions; I’m over here struggling to discover what it is exactly that I am supposed to do with mine.

So which category do you fall in to?

Do you know what you want to do in life and are you doing it? Or working towards it even?

Or are you asking the same questions as me, sailing along trying to figure it out?

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